Some time again has passed since a post, as my previous entry said ‘The Long and Winding Road”….
I managed to catch a helluva sinus cold, in fact my throat started bothering me almost 2 weeks ago! For the past week I have been a poster child and self proclaimed title holder for mass production of snot. I feel like I should have stock in Kleenex. On Friday 3/5 I broke down and headed to doctor. BINGO Sinus Infection, luckily my lungs sounded clear. The doctor decided to put me on Amoxicillin, stating my body just to tired to recover on it’s own. I’m on the mend – no more green snot. Still coughing like a mother ya know what – at times I feel my lungs coming up. The Amox. makes me feel tired and like crap – I slept almost all weekend.
In the meantime I did return to work as of 3/2. How did it go? UG. I was actually excited to get back, that soon passed. My left breast is healing up nicely but the area around the lymph node biopsy? Still very sore and tender. Opening doors, reaching and even wiping my own butt often hurts *pardon*
My day job? I drive for the county ride share program. My vehicle is a 9500 pd short bus. My cargo? people. My vehicle able to hold 2 wheelchairs w/ safety restraints. Just opening the door to the vehicle hinted to my day. Opening the 30 pd hood to check fluids? Yeee-Ouch! I pressed on.
Tuesday my “short” day, only 8 hours. I stuck it out despite the pain becoming worse with every bump. I decided to request 6 hr shifts for the rest of the week ( normally 10 hr shifts) and my employer was understanding and accommodated. My sinus gremlin became worse as I thumped through the rest of the week but I made it.
I’m feeling a little better today and moved around a lot. My left arm did not take long to react to movement again. It’s gonna be sore – I get it. But numbness from armpit to little pinky finger w/ shooting pain? I think not normal. I have concerns about doing a 40 hr week now. I’m stubborn and wanted to be back, I’m also taking advice from people who have actually gone through this, that advice being; “Take it easy on yourself.”
I’ll be calling my doctor Monday to see how he feels about my work schedule with current symptoms in left arm areas. My last visit he had left my work status up to me. My employer has informed need of doctor excuse for anymore work restrictions. I kinda felt ok at the 6 hr mark…maybe that was pushing it? Sheehsus – I reached to the cupboard for a glass and let out a yelp, can’t move around to much at home and the bugger acts up! What the hell?
The only other exciting event in my life was an attempt to find a more supportive bra for work. That was a fowl game of mental hopscotch. I’m trying on a geriatric looking white Playtex five clasped special. Oh ya – feeling sexy in that I was, then it hit me ,”Uhm…Ahhh- Hey dipshit your missing part of your left tit. The widgets available to stuff in bra are not cheap, I’m still looking…still breathing
It’s been a while since I’ve posted, my recovery has been much slower then anticipated. Looking back, I probably should have stayed in the hospital over night – I don’t know why I am so stubborn about being cared for. My husband would later remark that he was deeply worried about me and scared those first few days.
Part of my bull headed mindset was getting back up on my feet ASAP. I over did it! On Feb. 18th I saw my doctor a week earlier then planned. I had massive swelling and pain – swelling that was getting worse. The doctor would explain to me that I was over using the muscles. I was given a sling and told not to use my arm and avoid any prolonged movement. My return to work delayed …not good.
I’m generally one that bounces back quickly from anything – this surgery knocked me down. I still remain tired and hurting two weeks later.
A visit back to the doctor on Feb 25th and the swelling back down. I looked forward to being released back to work and moving forward with next phase of treatment. Instead- I receive a blow of bad news.
During the removal of the mass from my breast a sample was sent to the pathologist. During the actual procedure the lymph nodes were checked for cancer and the negative results given. The pathologist then takes the lump and tissue around the mass and tests. Another form of cancer found, apparently ductal.
My doctor now advising I have another MRI to check for calcifications that may have been missed. I am ANGRY. “Why was this small mass not detected?” I’m asking. I really do not want to sit through another breast MRI. My prognosis still good but a fork in the road. I now will be going back for another MRI and await results. IF another mass found I’ll be facing either another lumpectomy or full removal of the breast.
In the meantime I’m suffering from a nasty head cold and recovering from having a tooth pulled. I’m headed back to work March 1st. I’m not looking forward to it either – it hurts to lift my arm to wash my hair for 3 mins.
This has been an odd time for me. On Friday Feb 26th I met with my diabetic counselor (just after having tooth yanked),I like Diane very much. Meeting with her is a requirement to stay enrolled in a program through insurance to receive free diabetic supplies and medications. Gosh we babbled on for about an hour about our lives. Diane was shocked to learn I was going back to work. She gently put her hand on my hand which was on her desk. “Kathy, I’ve spoken with DR. D ( my primary) and we both agree you should not be working anymore.” She stated. I was shocked to hear this because both always cheering for me to stay working. Diane went on to say; ” Dr. D will sign any papers you need for disability, your RSD has progressed and making diabetes hard to control and now breast cancer – it’s to much for anyone’s body to handle, you should be taking it easy not trying to leap buildings” ….
I’m now getting disability papers ready. Diane is right – I have no feeling in my right foot and it is deforming, walking any distance very difficult. I’m not bouncing back from this surgery and have a long road ahead…I’m constantly emotionally drained, tired and in pain. I have not been for over a year able to sit or stand for more then an hour, some days less. And I probably should not be driving for a living when I can’t feel the gas or break pedal.
I was going to write about the pain medication I was on…another time.
I’ll try and update more often but seriously? I really have not been in any mood to write. I just want to sleep all day…
Small set back. Today I felt sharp shooting pains from left armpit down to left inner elbow. I had finally removed the dressings from also the node biopsy and figured maybe irritated. During the day the pain and swelling got worse.
Call to my doctor. I’ve been trying to move around too much. For me, I felt ok moving. I took a shower and washed my hair – apparently that was too much! Doc says STAY RESTING! No Chores, No lifting or bending, twisting or reaching. He didn’t mention typing though. LOL. Ium told the muscles etc need to heal and if using to soon the nerves will be effected.
I am still in pain, tried to back off of pain meds but ..ee gads.
Back to bed rest I go. I’ll be back in a couple of days.
Thanks all for the continued support
Yesterday I had a bit of meltdown when taking the dressings off and seeing my left breast for the first time. It was a short lived pity party, I have my husband to thank in part. I credit my own positive self image to the healing and acceptance of my left breast post lumpectomy, which saw the loss of nearly a cup size and the nipple / areola. I think self image is important to any person, accepting our bodies is important. In later posts I plan on addressing self image as to healing emotionally after a lumpectomy or masectomy.
Many clinical resources address speaking to your partner about how you feel about the loss. This is important, and personally I feared my husband would be grossed out and not want me anymore. My Husband hates being mentioned in this blog, but his comment to me Monday evening needs posting.
During the day my husband had called, I was in tears after seeing the gruesome remains of my left breast. He said “Hun it can’t be that bad, just like a car wreck – little bondo and new paint and she’ll be fine” I laughed.
Later on he came home , ate dinner then joined me in bedroom where I had been camped out most of day resting. I asked “Do you want to see it?” he paused. I told him that I’d be understanding if he did not want to see, he still paused – I changed the topic. Deep down I did want him to see but he is much more squirmish about stitches etc. Mike finally sat up on the bed and said “Okay. let me see it” I got up slowly, stood by the bed and lifted my shirt.
Pause…
He finally smiled and said “Ya car wreck meets smashed loaf of bread” Then in a german type accent added “Ve’s can takenz Ze Veiner Zauzage endz andz attatchez likenz ze newz Nipplez” Bless – why do I adore him so? I laughed and he got up and hugged me.
I had already accepted how I looked, now Mike also with me. ONWARD.
A very emotional day for me, I removed the dressings from left breast. I do not think any medical professional could prepare a patient for this. I looked at photos on the web of women post surgery of lumpectomy w/ removal of nipple. I thought mentally I was ready…wrong.
I’ve struggled with the early stages of recovery from the lumpectomy and Node biopsy. My expectations that I would be doing fine by now, just under 3 days since the surgery. Yesterday morning I was feeling good, well moving around anyway – I decided to do some light chores. I must be crazy because not an hour later I was in so much pain. I’m now having to face the fact that healing will take longer then I was prepared for.
As i thump this post out I am filled with tears, an emotional basket case I am! I had been advised to take the dressings off Sunday, I decided to wait one more day – I was not ready to see the breast. I had been wearing a snugger t-shirt in the evening, I could easily notice the size and shape difference of my breast compared to the other one. I was at that point accepting my new look.
Up Close & Personal
So there I was on the toilet trying to have a movement. I’m taking Oxycodone for the pain, this medication causes constipation and I hadn’t gone since Friday. Mission Accomplished!, but in my time sat on the throne I pecked away at the loose ends of the dressing and removed. Then, I stood up and walked in front of mirror and slowly lifted my top up. There it was..my smaller, nipple-less and deformed looking left breast. A large cut from one end to the other a gruesome reminder of what once was. My breast looks almost square and heavily bruised, it is significantly smaller then the other breast.
I’ve written about my earlier thoughts on how my breasts define me with my knowing my upcoming fate, or my left breasts fate. I now am struggling to express the emotions I am feeling when actually viewing my own breasts now. Ya, sure it is easy for anyone to say ‘but you still have your health and on the road to beating breast cancer” In reality – I right now feel like breast cancer has beaten me, emotionally anyway.
I’m angry – I want to punch someone! I want to SCREAM in a mad fit. I want a hug-I want to be left alone. I want my husband – I don’t want him to see. I want anyone to see my face – the fear, the sadness and the pain. I want to get through this – I want to die. I am so overwhelmed with emotion that I am nauseous, I feel like I am about to puke and the tears just keep coming. It’s the early stages of my journey and I fear I cannot muster up the inner strength to go on.
Reconstructive Surgery
Yes, I can opt to have reconstructive surgery done. Plastic Surgeons advising taking tissue from right breast to even out size difference. A nipple will be/can be tattooed on. i’m sorry, tattooed? Ya that will look realistic! I can feel like I’m 12 again and putting on my moms bra and stuffing with tissue, I’m not 12 anymore. Yes, there are breast pieces that look more realistic then tissue – they are not MY boob though! I want my boob back, I wish to awake from this nightmare!
I’ve been told to lower my expectations during this journey, to be ready for pit falls and changes. My main expectation is to beat breast cancer, to rid my body of this disease ..the disease though has taken part my breast and a part of me emotionally.
I am a depressed train wreck today. Why me? What the hell did I do to deserve such cruelty? I’ve been through enough crap in my lifetime.
Stay strong Kathy? F-off – this is my private pity, I’m allowing it to go on for at least 48 hours – after that and I’m still doom and gloom, I’ll contact the wacko ward myself.
I’m coming up on 48 hours since the surgery. Three hours of surgery: Lumpectomy of left breast mass which included tissue removal and removal of my left nipple and areola. A Sentinal Node Biopsy and medical Port placement for upcoming chemo treatment. I have in total four surgical areas. I remain in intense pain. I have friends and family urging me to rest, I’m very stubborn and always feel the need to triumph quickly over obstacles. The best advice i can give to recovery? Rest – listen to your body and do not over do it even if you feel better. I felt great this morning, I cleaned counters and started cleaning bathroom. Not long after I was doubled over in pain, even my eyelashes hurt.
The Recovery Room
I do not remember much even from the recovery room, it’s really all a blur. I do remember feeling like in a daze, sounds echoing and people around me foggy looking, some of that due tothe fact I did not have my glasses. I can recall feeling a lot of pain and the nurse getting something right away to help with that. I kept hearing my name but just drifting in and out, I felt scared and just wanted to hear my husbands voice – where is Mike, is he okay? Does he know I am okay? Am I okay? My throat hurt really bad and I could feel something on my lip, a small bump – what the hell? Oh- and that awful plastic taste in my mouth felt like it was coming all the way from toes!
I’m finally being wheeled back to my day surgery recover room, I’m told Mike is there waiting. As I’m being rolled through the twisting hallways, I’m drifting in and out but I hear room 417? Wait No- Mike is waiting for me in room A-8…STOP. When coming off of surgery everything moves like movie sequence dream state, I felt like I was screaming but really was just muttering inaudible sounds. the nurse just patted my head and told me I was Okay and relax.
We arrive to a door and I’m being backed into a room. This is NOT my room! what are you daft idiots doing? Wait, I hear Mike! Okay – I’m all messed up on drugs maybe I do not remember room as well.
One thing I clearly remember was the look on my husbands face as I was rolled into the room. An unforgettable facial expression of shock was on my husbands face. He came over to me and held my hand “oh damn hunny” he mumbled. he stroked my head and said Dr. Wu had said the surgery was harder on me then predicted, and last an hour longer. “Where am I” slurred from my mouth. Mike responded “Dr. Wu spoke to me hun and he wants you admitted for observation and now seeing you I agree, hun you do not look good” His eyes tearing up. It was 6Pm, where the hell did the day go and i was suppose to be out of surgery by 3Pm? What the hell is going on? whats wrong? And no way am I staying over night. I’m rambling like a mad woman! My husband a large strong man spoke sternly to me “Stop being stupid, I can’t care for you they way you are needing care – Hun I love you but you look horrible”
I very adamantly told the nurse I am not staying! I will be fine this is just how I react to anesthesia! She informs me that she is contacting Dr. Wu. Meantime I’m now demanding to be sat up on the edge of the bed. My husband not happy but assists. A nurse pops into the room and I request assistance to the bathroom – the nurse looking at me amazed and agrees. I’m very dizzy but walk on my own to the bathroom and then proceed to brush my teeth. Im hungry and order food. My food arrives and I’m sat on the edge of bed eating chicken noodle soup and jello. Dr. Wu arrives and just smiles at me. I’m still pretty foggy but Dr. Wu now explaining what took so long and why he wants me to stay overnight.
The Sentinal Node Biopsy took longer then expected, I had one large node that was inflamed and caused some issues and concern. I also bled more then normal during procedure. Some concerns over rapid swelling by the node biopsy area and redness. Dr. Wu had some concerns over a need for drainage and my general welfare to a more then expected evasive surgery. My husband echoing concerns but adding that color returning to my face. I stnd strong on not staying. Dr Wu just smiled (he knows I’m a tough cookie and stubborn) and makes me promise if any changes I’ll return. I agree, he leaves and Mike now helping me get dressed – I am escaping! I just want to go home.
I’m given a prescription for oxycodone and advised to get that right away and take, BEFORE current pain control wears off. We have an hour drive home, we stop at a Walgreens not far from the hospital. I pop a happy pill and nap the entire way home.
Friday Feb. 12th 8:30 PM.
We are home. I’m stoned out of my ever loving mind trying to figure out how the hell I’m going to get out of my husbands Mustang. The pain rages wildly with movement, any movement involving chest or arm muscles. My husband finally lifts me out and I wobble to the door. I’m wobbling because I’m higher then a kite and every step hurts.
We get inside and now my husband is helping me get my shoes off, my jacket and into bed I go. I decide I would be better off on the couch, our bed not a super king and we both a tight fit. Im fearing an elbow or rolling on one of my sides and the couch always easier for me to sleep on my back. All settled in, I make a few calls to family and friends. Many had heard from hubby but not me at this point, the calls short.
Speaking bluntly, I remain in intense pain. I was not prepared for the amount of pain. I had set a goal to be back to work by Wednesday, that will not be happening – this will take some time. Small steps. This piece took all day to thump out, I cannot tolerate being up for more then 30 minutes – my body now screaming at me again to go lay down and rest. One other quick bit of advice; keep a written record of times taking medications, especially pain meds. It’s real easy to forget when taking and how much, I’m still here because I have ten minutes before next dosage of Oxy…
I’m suppose to remove dressings today, think I’ll wait one more day…I’m not mentally ready to see whats behind them.
Friday February 12th.
I feel blessed to have spoken with several breast cancer survivors before my surgery, but nothing that was said could have prepared me for the day now looking back. I worried about so many things, the “what if’s” of any surgery are mind boggling! My husband and I had met with the doctor to go over the surgery the day before, we knew there were to be some possible forks in the road. To any woman having a lumpectomy – I’m gonna give it to ya straight.
We arrived at the hospital at 8am. I had not eaten since the night before and only on clear fluids for another hour. My surgery not scheduled until 1pm – my tummy gowling already. A week prior I had met with my diabetic specialist – being diabetic adds a few concerns as surgery will make blood sugars rise. I personally am on a sliding scale with my insulin, this means I monitor my blood sugar often and adjust units of insulin based on glucose levels. Because I also have RSD – my levels vary often due to the pain.
My husband and I are guided to a day surgery room, a private room – it was nice. I changed into my gown and then the flow of hospital staff paraded in. At this point I will take the time to acknowledge the Elmbrook Wheaton Franciscan Hospital, the staff was awesome! My husband and I felt like in a hotel and not a hospital. My care staff all friendly and very caring! I felt like a person and not just another chart.
9 Pm – Prep for sentinal node biopsy.
What you really need to know and are not told, this is not a real nice experience but a necessary evil. My doctor had told me that I would be sent to nuclear medicine to have a dye injected into my breast area to help locate the lead or sentinal lymph nodes. The nodes are checked to look for any cancerous cells. For a clinical explanation of the Sentinal Node Biopsy please click here. My doctor did NOT fully explain exactly what the procedure would include.
The mention of Nuclear medicine can be itself a bit scarey, be rolled into another room with yet another big machine and your taking another big gulp and gripping the blankets. ” Nuclear Medicine is a branch or specialty of medicine and medical imaging that uses radioactive isotopes (radionuclides) and relies on the process of radioactive decay in the diagnosis and treatment of disease. These radiopharmaceuticals, once administered to the patient, can localize to specific organs or cellular receptors.” SOURCE: WIKI. In short the process helps guide the surgeon to the nodes.
Here is what your treating doctor might not tell you! You are given four injections around the nipple area. The injections given by a specialty doctor in this field. This doctor walked me through the process. You are only given a topical numbing agent, this burns. The injections also burn… like hell, I’ll be honest – I teared up as I crushed the technicians hand I was holding. After about ten minutes the dye has traveled and you are rolled into the machine and pictures are taken. The technicians will be marking your breast area (near armpit) as guides for the surgery. The table is uncomfortable, the time goes by quick as the imaging process is relatively short.
10:30 AM
After the visit to Nuclear Medicine I’m wheeled (bed) back to my room. My husband there waiting, I’m a bit teared up still. He just looks for the first time worried. As he scooted his chair closer to me, we held hands and I could hear his tummy growling. While I was in for pre-surgery stuff, I thought he’d hit the cafeteria for something to eat. He was not thrilled with the offerings. At that point I urged him to go find something to eat, we had 2.5 hrs before surgery. GO! He finally left around 11:15 AM to embark on finding a place to eat down the road. My bed uncomfortable – I took refuge on a chair and crocheted.
My husband returned at about 12:30. I was happy he got out of the hospital for awhile. I was back laying down, trying to rest but staring at the clock. He sat near me and we just held hands. It was a special moment, no words said – none needed! Mike and I have an intense connection, it’s often more about a look then a spoken word. I knew he was deeply concerned about me and he knew I was on the verge of a melt down…I was scared as the clock ticked closer to surgery time. The moment gone, the nurse now entering to start my IV. This was entertainment for me, Mike squirms!
Pre Op Holding Room
I’m now being wheeled down the halls, Mike is behind me and talking to me. I’m now starting to panic, the reality now sunk in that I’m about to have surgery. Once in the room, more vitals taken and the rest of IV goodies added. At this point I’m just praying for something to relax me, I’m tearing up now as I am overwhelmed with fear. The anesthesiologist comes in, there are many people in and out of the holding room. The entire pre op holding area is busy, I can see in the hallway beds going by, staff in full scrubs – almost a needed sensory overload. I’m now answering questions the anesthesiologist is asking. Finally I’m given something to relax me.
The surgical nurse comes in to take one last round of vitals and there Bobby Wu, my doctor and surgeon. I really like Bobby, awesome bed side manner as he took the time to speak with my husband, to reassure him I’d be fine and answer any questions. I remember Bobby shaking Mikes hand, Mike never took his eyes off me..and then he leaned over and kissed me on the forehead, touched my face and whispered “see ya later old timer” hubby said. Mike is six years my junior, the age thing an ongoing joke. I just smiled and off he went.
I remember very little once in the operating room. I recall being moved from my bed to the operating table. The last thing I remember is the oxygen mask on my face, it left a heavy plastic taste in my mouth and I did not want to inhale it. I remember hearing “take deeper breathes…”
It’s over? I’m in the recovery room…
People start blogs for all different reasons, my reasons for creating My Dirty Pillow Sacks is simple. When I first heard the possibility of my lump being cancerous, I hit the blogosphere searching for stories from women who had or are going through the journey. All I found where extremely clinical references to breast cancer, information and resources – which was helpful. What I felt lacking was stories of true grit in the mill of human suffrage and emotions. My inspiration comes from Duane Gay, a local TV and radio personality who documented his battle with cancer. Mr. Gay lost his battle in 2005.
As a woman, I am always amazed by other women who are alright with speaking candidly behind closed doors, that whisper voice that echos like nails on a chalk board. It’s okay to whisper but good little girls should be and act pretty all the time. Guess what? I’m not a good little girl – and I wear white after labor day. I sometimes refuse to wear panties and some days I don’t shave.
Why a post to position myself on my own blog? I received a message from a person who shall remain known as just “Sue” You see Sue felt the need to send me a message and refer to me as an irreverent woman, then go on to say “How do you wish people to view you as your words rant on about your private places? My response to Sue; “You look hot, interested in a threesome?”
I share my journey for people to understand the emotions of breast cancer, the process and the procedures involved. You see, since my diagnosis I have been shuffled like cattle from doctor to doctor and procedure to procedure. My words here, if anything might make someone have a better feel for what they or a loved on is/was going through.
Bless.
**WARNING: This post of mature nature and may contain graphic images not suitable for minors**
The title for the post called ‘Final Days” not because I am dieing, it is because on Friday Feb 12th, I will be losing my left nipple during a lumpectomy. Now some may say “But you will survive…” Yes, I will survive but the emotional impact of dealing with breast cancer and all the twists and turns is draining. Dealing with the loss of part of my breast now settling in.
Studies have been done that show how men view breasts as defining femininity. Breasts hint at a woman’s ability to nurture and sustain life. They also point to a woman’s capacity to breed, as they signal the onset of puberty. It’s for this reason that men can find Pamela Anderson’s breasts alluring while we can all be disgusted by Ned Beatty’s floppy man tits in Deliverance (sorry Ned). We are a society obsessed with boobs!
I am personally beyond my breeding years, sorry kitchen closed – practice range open. But still as a woman, how do my jugs define me? I like my melons, I was blessed with these DD curves – and I’ll admit I LOVE wearing low cut shirts and letting my girls out ! I feel sexy and giggle when a man a stares or speaks to my boobs. Watermelons are like a mans entertainment center & organic pillows. As Jerry Seinfeld so adroitly pointed out, if women kept their heads covered instead of their breasts, we’d all be heading down to the corner store to pick up the latest copy of Heads Illustrated. We always want that which we cannot have, and in that regard, breasts are the ultimate forbidden fruits.
The cancerous mass is located near my nipple, it is for that reason my left nipple area will be taken. I’m not even losing my entire breast and freaking out! Why? Because my pillow sack will now appear deformed !
Boobs have radio dials for a reason and not just to sustain life. Men are visually stimulated, we know this. How the hell is my husband going to react to a missing nipple – I fear his Mr. W0bbley wont get off the couch! And that is how my boobs define me. I can just hear it now…in the throws of passion and “No, No No, leave your shirt on…” as he turns away. I have fake upper teeth and the man can’t handle looking at me when I take them out to clean.
Yes, I will be electing to have reconstructive surgery. I can’t have that until after chemo and radiation. I’ll be missing a radio dial for about a year…tune in again soon for more updates as I draw closer to the final day.
Friday February 5th, 2010
A busy day of doctor appointments! My network of doctors are all located about an hour away, I have no choice due to insurance plan. Generally I try to lump all my appointments into one day to save on gas money.
10:15 Radiation Specialist. Elmbrook Hospital
My first meeting with the radiation specialist. You just do not know what to expect with any of these meetings. I’ve been shoveled to so many doctors I do not know who is who and for what anymore. For some reason on Friday I was extremely emotional, I cried in the waiting room and had a melt down while speaking with nurse doing orientation. My husband gets extremely uncomfortable when I publicly break down..this causes some stress between us.
I was informed that I would be recevivng 33 radiation treatments. These are every day…This news caused much anxiety. The treatment facility almost an hour away, the zapping procedure about an hour – 3 hours everyday of missed work and travel time – gas money. Deep Gloom. I spent today on the phone with insurance seeking approval of a closer facility to cut down on missing work – we can’t afford it.
11:30 AM – My Diabetic Specialist. Quad Med West Allis
Just made this appointment by the hair on our chins! I had a nice meeting with my diabetic specialist, he’s an older guy and adjusted to my snarky comments. We went over my insulin needs during chemo – he’s confident I’ve got the self medicating down. I am Type II diabetic – The chemo will make my blood sugars rise. I’m fairly use to self medicating, my RSD often causes spikes in my blood sugar. Stress is another factor – my blood sugar on Friday was at a whopping 324…I had barely eaten anything. Doc noticed I looked tired, HA – ya think? He wrote me a script for ambien – bless him. He’s one of my doctors that does not fully understand my RSD, and I’ve given up trying to explain. He’s one that relates RSD to more a mental defect. Again, Bless him.
1:45 PM MRI – Elmbrook Hospital
I’ve had an MRI before, on my right ankle so I was not concerned about this test. Boy – I wish I had been forewarned about a breast MRI! The MRI is done to make sure no other masses and the lymph nodes are checked for cancer.
Ladies and Gentleman, I can say with no more thought that I’d rather endure daily mammograms then have to ever do another breast MRI! One of the single most uncomfortable tests I’ve had to date. Hell Bells – I’d rather have another biopsy over a breast MRI.
An IV port is inserted. Then you are led to the MRI machine and told to lie flat on belly. You are bent at the waist and lower yourself and breasts into to openings. Your breast dangle loose. You are then fed into the MRI cave. it is so tight that you cannot breath and told to lay still. You are given some headphones to drown the creepy sounds of the machine. I can’t recall the duration of the entire time, most of the scans are 2-4 mins long. The last scan is 9 mins. During this scan a fluid is injected to IV port. My chest felt on fire – you cannot move at all for the 9 mins. I felt like I was going to pass out while gasping for air. Any movement will mess up the test and you have to come back another day. I was over joyed to learn my MRI passed viewing needs…I could not run out of that room fast enough.
Results: My Doctor called me on Saturday to inform that the MRI showed no other masses and lymph nodes also clear. During my lumpectomy some nodes will be taken to run further tests to make sure no “sleeping” cancerous cells.
I’m now just preparing myself mentally for the lumpectomy and the loss of my nipple area.
